Last night several couples from my church got together to talk about our marriages. In light of the recent sad public news for marital fidelity from Mark Sanford and Jon & Kate Gosselin, it is easy to be discouraged about the direction of marriage in our culture.
Marriage is hard, but not primarily because of anything outside of us in the culture. As we discussed last night, we all agreed marriage is mainly hard because of selfishness. “What’s in it for me?” is not the cry of the culture primarily, but the cry of our own wayward hearts. Indeed, I believe one of the strongest evidences supporting the Biblical doctrine of human fallenness and sin is the difficulty of marriage. Making vows to put another person first, to set aside one’s own preferences for the flourishing of our spouse, cuts directly against one’s own sinful nature.
And what stood out to me as most interesting as we looked at “The Excellent Wife” of Proverbs 31 is the fact that this chapter comes at the end of this uber-practical book that began with a father addressing his sons. Proverbs is a book about coming of age without losing hold of those fundamental principles established by our Maker and Father which were created as “the first of His works” as described in Proverbs 8 and then reach this culmination in the cherishing and encouraging of one’s wife, so that she becomes a fruitful woman in all she does.
It is easy to look at Proverbs 31 and try to staple on the practicals she embodied. But of course, that would present all kinds of practical problems, like never getting any sleep. But looked at with the long lens, over the period of a woman’s life, you see this overall body of work that says more about a husband’s companionship and care for her than any other effort he undertakes in his life.
Nothing is more important for a married man seeking to magnify the worth and character of His Father than to magnify the God-given worth and character of His wife. And as the strong theological protector who “washes her with water through the word” we see both the natural and the spiritual components to this most clearly.
And we must not over spiritualize or Christianize marriage to see this clearly, and the Proverbs 31 woman makes that clear. She is not attending meetings. She is not living in a bubble culture. She is engaged. She is defined not by a religious institution, but by a God, husband, and family which provide her the true platform for her unsurpassed greatness.
Far from a zone of domestic captivity, the live of the excellent wife of Proverbs 31 is liberated, fruitful, intelligent, and decidedly un-militant about her status and role. Christians should be unashamed to make this known, first in our lives, but also in our advocacy. Of course, as Americans every worldview, no matter how apparently tolerant or militant, has as much right as any other to be presented without discrimination. But there is no reason to lack courage here and present a counterintuitive but ultimately fulfilling picture, the picture that I suspect our feminist friends really do desire when they are alone and unguarded.
And if this liberated model of womanhood were embraced by husbands and wives everywhere, I think the kinds of tragic marital events we see so often in the news would neither surprise us nor make us skeptical. Marriage is hard. Many will fall short of its standard. But the grace of God in Christ Jesus has more than enough spiritual power available to us to fight selfishness, serve our wives (speaking to men now) selflessly, and see them become more beautiful than any magazine in the grocery store could (photoshop and) present to us, or any other vision of womanhood can produce.
great post
Thanks WTW. I referenced Proverbs 8, which I want to provide in full here, especially after watching the DaVinci Code last night. As I think about the cultural thrust against traditional marriage, I am starting to see that this thrust is not new at all, but rooted in an ancient distortion of the Divine knowledge that underlies all creation.
This makes me think of Deuteronomy 29:29 “The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things that are revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may do all the words of this law.”
I don’t have enough academic and research experience to have a full take on this, but it seems to me that Proverbs 8 refers to God’s revealed wisdom, not his secret knowledge known only to Him, and it is an abstracted layer from His own character that is indeed used to govern the operations of the world. As such, it is available not necessarily through revelation as we see in Scripture, but through reason, experimentation, analysis, and scientific inquiry. This brings to mind Romans 12:1-2, which encourages us that by testing (not a one-and-done moment of revelation) we discern God’s will (i.e., His wisdom).
Perhaps those like Carl Jung who have found much room for objective scientific inquiry into the nature of astrological events (most notably in his paper “Synchronicity”) have done all of us a service by suggesting that there is a deeper wisdom available to us about how God governs the world. This would lead us to question whether/how/why some “entities” have attempted to usurp his control by attempting to be the mediators of that layer of wisdom.
Perhaps that is what we see in all the latest attempts to claim Jesus was not fully God and fully man. And in the same attempts to denigrate the sanctity of marriage in our culture.
This may not be as much an abstract digression as you think. If God’s wisdom in marriage is, as Kostenberger has argued, rooted in both the natural created order and the redeemed spiritual order of Christ, then one would expect to see a connection between popular attacks against marriage with those against the divinity of Christ. And by my meandering thoughts above, perhaps I have stumbled upon this very thing (to be tested, per Romans 12 of course).
But if we hypothetically accept this probe for a moment (it is not a final conclusion, by any stretch) then the source for both a transcendent view of marriage and for deep discernment about cultural attacks against marriage and even the divinity of Christ is to truly understand this wisdom referred to in Proverbs 8.
This would necessarily illuminate the issues and attempts by esoteric traditions to direct the culture away from God’s wisdom to its own monistic ends–which lead to all manner of human controls and pagan ritualism. And as long as the voices of the Christian church are antithetical to those in the culture war that oppose traditional marriage–rather than trying to lovingly warn them of the oppression and bondage entailed in those views and attacks–then large portions of the culture will probably continue to oppose the “traditional” view of marriage.
The wisdom of God is needed more than ever, first in us as Christians and then through godly marriages and open dialog with others in our culture inclined to listen to us, if we would only hold to both the love and truth of Christ at the same time.
For if this hypothesis is correct, then I would expect to find for our liberal, anti-institutional friends that the very fulfillment they seek is found in the wisdom of marriage that God has designed into the very fabric of creation and in the very redemption of Christ–rooted not in some present-day institutional culture or religious right vision of America, but in the very eternal character of God, stamped on us in the imago dei.
For my part, I want to test this hypothesis by striving for an abiding awareness of God’s wisdom underlying His creation of marriage and of all the world. And I believe that wisdom is found in the truth and love of Christ.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall inherit the earth.
Proverbs 8 (“The Blessings of Wisdom”)
1 Does not wisdom call?
Does not understanding raise her voice?
2 On the heights beside the way,
at the crossroads she takes her stand;
3 beside the gates in front of the town,
at the entrance of the portals she cries aloud:
4 “To you, O men, I call,
and my cry is to the children of man.
5 O simple ones, learn prudence;
O fools, learn sense.
6 Hear, for I will speak noble things,
and from my lips will come what is right,
7 for my mouth will utter truth;
wickedness is an abomination to my lips.
8 All the words of my mouth are righteous;
there is nothing twisted or crooked in them.
9 They are all straight to him who understands,
and right to those who find knowledge.
10 Take my instruction instead of silver,
and knowledge rather than choice gold,
11 for wisdom is better than jewels,
and all that you may desire cannot compare with her.
12 “I, wisdom, dwell with prudence,
and I find knowledge and discretion.
13 The fear of the Lord is hatred of evil.
Pride and arrogance and the way of evil
and perverted speech I hate.
14 I have counsel and sound wisdom;
I have insight; I have strength.
15 By me kings reign,
and rulers decree what is just;
16 by me princes rule,
and nobles, all who govern justly. [1]
17 I love those who love me,
and those who seek me diligently find me.
18 Riches and honor are with me,
enduring wealth and righteousness.
19 My fruit is better than gold, even fine gold,
and my yield than choice silver.
20 I walk in the way of righteousness,
in the paths of justice,
21 granting an inheritance to those who love me,
and filling their treasuries.
22 “The Lord possessed [2] me at the beginning of his work, [3]
the first of his acts of old.
23 Ages ago I was set up,
at the first, before the beginning of the earth.
24 When there were no depths I was brought forth,
when there were no springs abounding with water.
25 Before the mountains had been shaped,
before the hills, I was brought forth,
26 before he had made the earth with its fields,
or the first of the dust of the world.
27 When he established the heavens, I was there;
when he drew a circle on the face of the deep,
28 when he made firm the skies above,
when he established [4] the fountains of the deep,
29 when he assigned to the sea its limit,
so that the waters might not transgress his command,
when he marked out the foundations of the earth,
30 then I was beside him, like a master workman,
and I was daily his [5] delight,
rejoicing before him always,
31 rejoicing in his inhabited world
and delighting in the children of man.
32 “And now, O sons, listen to me:
blessed are those who keep my ways.
33 Hear instruction and be wise,
and do not neglect it.
34 Blessed is the one who listens to me,
watching daily at my gates,
waiting beside my doors.
35 For whoever finds me finds life
and obtains favor from the Lord,
36 but he who fails to find me injures himself;
all who hate me love death.”
Footnotes
[1] 8:16 Most Hebrew manuscripts; many Hebrew manuscripts, Septuagint govern the earth
[2] 8:22 Or fathered; Septuagint created
[3] 8:22 Hebrew way
[4] 8:28 The meaning of the Hebrew is uncertain
[5] 8:30 Or daily filled with